Lyrical Laughs

Monday, August 5, 2013

Bumper stickers are the new blog (just this once)

Over dinner the other night, we were having a conversation about YK’s upcoming college adventure as well as the experiences OK had when she was in college. The topics bounced around a bit, from what we hope to expect from both girls when their decision-making skills are tested, to how not to make Mom show up at your dorm or apartment. In the end S summed it up with, “Remember – WWMD – What Would Mom Do?” That didn’t really fit the bill, though. It needed to be more concise. And so we came up with a new slogan that I believe just might be the best bumper sticker ever.

HWMR - How Would Mom React?

Yes, in a nutshell that covers both daughters and just about any circumstance.

How would Mom react to getting a phone call that OK and The Boy eloped, or were moving to another country?

How would Mom react to finding photos online of YK in a wet t-shirt contest during spring break, or something that looked like oregano but didn’t smell like oregano among her belongings during a school break?

These are things that should never be attempted or even considered in this lifetime – any lifetime, really. I believe HWMR should serve as a compass for future decisions in the lives of children everywhere. Of course this got me on a roll, as I am – after all – a Mom of Many Words. So here are a few other suggestions for bumper stickers. Whether you think they are silly or all too accurate, they are simply based on my own personal experience. Feel free to add to the list with your own.

Under the “Does This Mean I’m an Adult Now" category:

1) If it’s a car or electrical problem, call Dad. If it makes you want to cry, call Mom.

2) I’ve had my driver’s license for three years. Someone tell my Mom she can stop following me now.

3) Gilmore Girls reruns, crying at the end of Finding Nemo, chocolate and peanut butter = mother-daughter bonding.

4) When exactly did “Call Mom” take the slot above “Buy wine” on my priority list?

Under the “Mom’s insight” category:

1) Dear New Parent, Your college education and parenting books don’t stand a chance against the Terrible Twos.

2) Don’t worry that your teenagers think you’re a drooling, babbling idiot. Your brain cells regenerate when they become parents.

3) Ever wonder why the stories your kids love best about their childhood were based on when they were at their worst?

4) Once you have teenagers you will understand why your parents didn’t understand you.

5) Trust me, when you become a parent, “I love you more” will make total sense.

One disclaimer to the above is that I have always felt the Terrible Twos are a myth. However, once you glide past them with complete confidence that your child will forever be exceptionally well behaved, the Throw-Everything-You-Heard-Out-The-Window-Threes will come at you like a cyclone.

Granted, these sayings are all over the place, much like my train of thought. I can’t help it if there is a running dialogue in my head at all times just waiting to be forced in front of some unsuspecting person who was really looking for a kale recipe and somehow wound up here. Really, if I can’t get the world’s attention with my blog, what better way to express myself than on the chrome (more likely shiny plastic) bumper of a car? I might amass a fortune by striking a chord with moms all over the world. These bumper stickers could become the next hot can't-keep-it-on-the-shelves gift idea for the holiday season - maybe a buyer from Hallmark (or Spencer’s) will come across them on someone’s Facebook or Twitter page and have to get them on their shelves!

Or maybe I should just follow the advice of a bumper sticker I saw today:

Don’t believe everything you think.

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