My husband used up the last of the garlic powder last week,
unbeknownst to me until I saw the empty container sitting on the counter. You
heard me – not a trace was left. He even had the nerve to act as if he had no
idea this could be grounds for divorce.
Have I mentioned in any of my little ramblings that I’m
Italian? There are two items you never, ever
use up in my kitchen without wisely volunteering to run to the store
immediately for a replacement or
accepting your punishment for this major violation: garlic powder and olive
oil.
Fortunately, the dollar store is a short trip
and my supply was replenished soon after. Still, it’s hard to let this obvious
act of aggression slide, don’t you agree? I’m sure you’re all wondering if it’s
the start of a serious issue that we might need to get serious help for. And
what better source than Marriage Boot Camp?
For those of you who have never heard of this entertaining
and twisted production, Marriage Boot Camp (we'll call it “MBC”) is a cable
television show that would be rated D at best… so naturally I didn’t miss one
episode. Yes, folks, I live for bad cable TV.
The most recent season incorporated “reality stars” into the
cast. The celebrity version is almost exactly like episodes with people we’ve
never heard of (not that I’ve heard of most of these characters anyway). The
couples spend several episodes using paint guns, pretend death scenes and
nearly impossible scavenger hunts to either bond or break each other’s neck. The celebrity version featured the typical breakdowns, arguments and
reconciliations in between makeup touches and a collagen kiosk. A show like
that makes you realize you have it pretty darn good – and that you could make a
boatload of money with the right reality TV proposal and cast members with
names like Tanisha and Slade.
The reason I say the garlic powder travesty could very well
put us up there in the top rankings for MBC candidacy is that the featured marriage counselors (and creators of the show – how convenient) will grab onto the
slightest issue and deem it a possible matrimonial deal-breaker. I swear some of these couples had more
problems at the end than they did in the beginning. Then again, at least one
couple should have worn protective gear whenever they were in the same room
because the wife was an arm-flinging maniac who took every opportunity to goad
her husband into smacking her. To his credit, he didn’t. Not surprisingly, they
were Splitsville by the end. I’m looking forward to seeing her on the WWF soon.
I wonder what would be made of the garlic powder debacle.
Would the Spouse be told he has some kind of subconscious need to sabotage my
cooking? Did I intentionally set him up to take the fall by not having a backup container of this key ingredient to 90% of my cooking? Should I pack my bags in search of someone who really understands my
need to have the house smell like a giant garlic bulb?
This season’s MBC cast included Trista (the Bachelorette)
and Ryan Sutter (her hot firefighter husband), nicknamed America’s sweethearts by the other
cast members - not always in a complimentary tone. It was entertaining to see the MBC creators try and throw a
wrench into this almost perfect couple’s relationship. The others, especially those who didn't fare so well through exercises like the Ring of Fire (possibly Ryan's favorite) were also
hoping to see some tension - perhaps an actual argument - erupt between these
two. The closest they got was when Trista and Ryan didn’t go through the same
door to their future… but they actually did… depending on how you look at it.
Extreme editing assures us that this could lead to major issues between the
sweethearts. I’m thinking all it will take is for Trista to convince Ryan to
parade around in his fireman’s uniform a couple of extra nights.
My husband and I would not have offered such a challenge – I
can assure you if he chose to paintball me or not give me a life vest during
the fake ship sinking he would be sleeping in the fake doghouse that night.
Seriously, I was ready to hit the eject button on the ride to work upon seeing
my beloved garlic powder bottle barren.
I think we’re safe from a marital breakdown at the moment,
though. We have both matured in our 30 years together and have learned to talk
through our issues – not always agreeing but always coming around to some kind
of compromise, as it should be in a good, solid, healthy marriage.
As long as he stays away from the olive oil.
You have no idea how these little things can set me off. Poor Brad. But I would NEVER allow it to be taped and shown. I have enough pride for that.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a cook, but you have me craving something garlicky now. Nice work.
I sooo get this! I'm Italian, too. But so is hubby. Today I accidentally burned a pan of rice (don't ask) but HE accidentally ran sudsy water into a pan of recooked rice I was cooling for the dog's breakfast. Umm. I freaked out. My kitchen.
ReplyDeleteMore than once or twice or three times my hub has put empty containers back on a shelf or in the fridge…I always wonder how real reality shows really are...
ReplyDeleteHILAR...my husband is Italian and he becomes an arm - flinging maniac when the crushed red pepper is out, so AI get this on so many levels. Thanks for the laugh!
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