My husband is seeing another woman. More than one, actually.
They show up shortly after his post-shower nap (how anyone can nap after a
shower is beyond me) and while I am in my shower, which is convenient for him.
That way I have virtually no say about who he’s spending time with for at least
15 minutes in the morning. But I know where I’ll find him.
Every. Time.
He’s in front of the television watching the morning news.
He sits there on the sofa with his breakfast, taking in the newscasters’
perfectly coiffed hair and smart little suits. He listens intently to their
every word, even though he can’t remember for the life of him what the weather
will be for the day when I ask minutes later.
I’ve had it up to here with those dang female morning news
anchors and meteorologists…. meteorologistesses – whatever they are. They show
up on our television screen with their perky smiles looking all happy and ready
to start their day. I bet they’re slurping straight out of the Box o’ Joe
hidden under their cheery little desk during commercial breaks.
Spouse will occasionally comment on a new hairstyle or
standout ensemble Lexie or Amanda might have that morning. I point out that
Jeff’s tie is especially dapper. He barely grunts.
Every so often they will whip out sparkling cookware and
utensils and make a fabulous breakfast item like the ultimate breakfast
burrito, just to show they can not only feed the mind, but the stomach as well.
Showoffs.
Now, I’m not jealous, mind you. It’s not like Spouse has
some kind of serious crush. And I’m not concerned that he’s going to text me
one day that he’s running away with Courtney and he can’t tell me where, but
the weather will be sunny and temps will be in the mid 70s all week.
It’s just that these women make me feel like… well, like me.
I mean - I am a morning person. It’s my best time of day and often my most
productive. But I don’t have a team to get my hair and makeup down. The closest
I get to a manicure most of the time is scrubbing my nails with an old
toothbrush. At least I think it’s old.

But I digress.
Back to the television where all good newscasters and
weather people live until we leave for work at the obnoxious hour of 7 a.m.
Yet, who am I to complain? The news team Spouse is staring at has, in all
likelihood, been awake since 3. They probably go to bed hours before we
do. They have no life, they miss
all the NCIS reruns, and they have to peel their makeup off before lunch. Those
highly successful, popular, intelligent women are no match for me.
Unless they really can make the ultimate breakfast burrito.
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