Lyrical Laughs

Monday, August 10, 2015

Short showers – it’s all relative

Last weekend Spouse, Second Born and I went on a mini-vacation. By that I mean we sat in standing traffic that stretched a seven hour trip into ten, slept in strange beds/cots/air mattresses for three days, and ate too many enticing foods which we will be paying for over the next couple of days.

It was awesome.

We got to see The Love Couple (First Born and The Groom) and enjoy a beautiful baby shower for our New Jersey relatives. It was the last time we’ll all be in the same place at least until spring, so the time together meant a lot.

As a family we travel pretty well, including when The Love Couple joins us. We do not, however, agree on what time we are leaving the house.

Wait – I take that back. We agree on the time. However, certain members of “We” are never, ever ready on time. The biggest issue?


How long should a shower be when you have to leave the house? I say Move it. The majority is still sleeping on it. Literally.

Our bathroom fan’s timer has several options. I use the 15-minute button. So does Spouse, but the length of his shower is twice that. He likes to say he sets the fan for 15 minutes but neglects to mention that he starts it up again as he’s drying off. Cheater.

First Born is much like me – done in a jiffy and announcing shower availability (and like me, pushing her hubby along). On the other hand, her younger sister takes after their father. You know, the guy who can turn showers into Olympic events.

Second Born doesn’t even bother with the fan because she can out-shower any amount of time she would plug in. Her typical showers take the same amount of time as washing a load of laundry. I’ve considered throwing a few of items of clothing and some detergent in with her and asking her to stomp, rinse and repeat.

Here’s the thing. As the shower water is running my mind is typically thinking about what needs to get done before we are leaving. Every once in a while I’ll reach to turn off the water before I’ve rinsed off because my mind has jumped to making a fruit and cheese tray or finding my one pair of dressy shoes… something that takes more time than I think we will have in order to stay on track. Not that we are ever anywhere near the track by the time we get out of the house.

Even when I’m not in panic mode halfway through shampooing, my showers are more or less express showers.

Spouse blatantly admits he simply daydreams. He doesn’t worry about anything, not even running out of hot water, because we have a tankless hot water heater. You can stay in there until you’ve turned into a prune and that dang water will still be hot.

I’m pretty sure Second Born has picked up the daydream habit. By the time she saunters out the room is so full of steam that the fan, which she turns on when she is done, is choking and gasping.

I tend to try and make up for their lack of shower consideration by being the first one to shower so I can spend the rest of the time harassing them to Hurry Up.

It clicked to me recently that I don’t need to do this. Since I’m the quickest one I can actually be the last one to take a shower. That would give me more time to relax, I thought. I can snooze a little longer, maybe flip on the television and catch the news.

Who was I kidding? Once I’m even the slightest bit awake my brain is in full agenda mode. I may as well just get my shower over with and let the badgering begin.

You might be thinking their ability to relax in the shower is a balance to my frenzied hurry-up-and-get-to-the-next-thing mentality.

I’m thinking I should replace the bottle of body soap with Tide.

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