Lyrical Laughs

Friday, January 22, 2016

Magazines - an idea I shouldn't subscribe to

This was last week's column... I just need to add here that the February issue showed up yesterday... or maybe it was March. Really??

I realized several years ago that it takes me a long time to catch up on my reading - mainly because I was already several years behind. In fact, it never really happens. Even after I go on a recycling spree the pile of newspapers will gather quicker than you can say Stop the Presses.

Once in a while I just have to say that.

Spouse, by the way, is worse than me. His “I’ll read this later” collection is scattered all over the house, clinging to corners of the kitchen table (don’t get me started), living room coffee table, and his nightstand.

So what possessed me to buy a new subscription to a women’s magazine? It was a really good deal and a publication that I’ve subscribed to before. Why not, I thought.

Now I remember why not. Issues of this same magazine that I swore I’d get around to reading have been collecting dust under my bed since 2009.

In mid November my first issue arrived. Sounds like a lovely gesture on the part of the magazine people to make sure I got the issue that was currently on the magazine racks in the supermarket. Don’t fall for it. This is a ploy they use to get rid of extra copies prepped for recycling before the next issue comes out in five days.

If you recall (i.e. if you read this column once in the last three months), we were a little busy in November preparing for our Excellent Adventure. The night before we left I shoved the magazine into my “I’ll read this on the plane” bag. That periodical never saw the light of day for two weeks. It was bent, curled, and stuffed under extra clothes, tour maps, trinkets or water bottles. It made a great cushion.

I never found the time to read all about the perfect roasted turkey recipe or how to never be late again (hey, I can dream). I didn’t even get through the first 27 pages of advertisements, but I was determined to take time to read it from beginning to end when we arrived home.

When we returned from our vacation two weeks later the December issue had appeared. This one had several seasonal giveaways, ideas on decorating in the home for the holidays, and cookie recipes that promised to be the best ever.

By the first week in January I hadn't even cracked open the cover. Sigh.

It’s hard enough to find time to read the one full newspaper we get a week. I am a little behind with it. The same goes for coupons stuck inside the Sunday newspaper, like the ones I just tossed that expired in August. The only reason I went through the stack of papers and coupons in the first place was because we needed the extra chair around the kitchen table during our family weekend.

Just when I had convinced myself I should skip Emily Post and speed read through cake hacks in the November issue so I could flip through the five-minute make-it-yourself Christmas stocking session in the December issue, guess what showed up at my door? You’ve got it – come on in, January issue with your bright, inspiring hues and your promises of easy furniture makeovers and healthy recipes.

Yes, it is ironic that I can’t find the time read these magazines and yet here I sit writing about not reading them. One (or more) might say I need to manage my time better.  I have no less than three articles on time management tucked into the bookcase shelves to read sometime.

In the meantime, here's the name of one of the articles in the latest issue I received. They want to answer all my questions? I've got one for them - for the love of all that is recyclable, how do you expect me to read four months' worth of magazines in four weeks??

Last weekend we took Second Born back to college and when we returned the Sunday newspaper was waiting for us. I dug out the small pile of Sunday papers from November and December and put them back to their rightful spot. As much as I will miss having our girls around, it’s probably a good thing it will be just Spouse and me for a while.

I need the storage space on the kitchen chairs.

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